I run an escort service on the side

In the final meeting with my college advisor, I think he referred to me as " la fille qui porte les araignées." After four years, that was my most memorable quality: I carried spiders.

Since then, I've branched out. I have moved two black widows from my house, one of whom went on a bike ride in a covered glass in the water bottle cage, delivered to the natural history museum on campus, but I've added many other individuals to my client list.

At work, it's usually wasps who sneak in between our faulty screens, but there've been silverfish and beetles and whatever else seems to make my coworkers scream.

At home, there are ill-placed earwigs who come in with the garden produce, miller moths that risk life and wing hiding behind the curtains from the cats, a whole lot of house flies and the praying mantis who just wants to look around the garage for a few minutes.

Fortunately I do find a lot of them are already in appropriate exterior locations.

But so many just need a little assistance getting somewhere else. Today it was a fuzzy jumping spider who tried hard to look inconspicuous against the white window frame and then this season's first baby mantid who was dangerously close to where the eggplants were being planted.

Last night it was three deer who were steadily working their way through a row of someone's lettuce in the garden. Yeah, some of my clients are large, awkward mammals, but that's another story for another day. I think I hear something bumping against the ceiling in the other room and I have to go get a cup and a tissue...